30th november. CHANGED MY MIND!!!!

okay.. so i woke up at around 10.40am!!! i'm so glad that i'm able to sleep for atleast 8 hours ! i think its because i don't have to worry about school lolz!! watched thai drama of P Ann and P Ken !i love it so much! i'm nearly finish with it >< !!

tidied my room..
its hard to explain.. its hard for me to understand everything thats happening right now..
i'm not in my sis position so i can't exactly understand what she's going through even though were living together.. i mean, she doesn't really allow me to know many things.. cox i'm still a kid in her eyes.. so i'm just assuming that shes not happy.!!
I'm right!, she's sick of everything! she told me!!! . We only pretty much argue about 'tidiness' !!! like everything has to be perfect... i think that its totally good for her that she's super tidy.. but i think i'm tidy but m not as tidy as her.. so she would want me to try and be more tidier.. so i think i tried my hardest .. well at least this is all i think i can do at this stage.. but its still not up to her expectations!! so its hard.. because i know that shes just trying to be a good sis who's trying to teach her sis to be more tidier!!.. but i just think that its more better if i learn how to do everything and be even more tidier as i grow up while i'm still forming my identity ! ... since i'm just being me, myself everyday.. who is not super tidy (as i mentioned earlier) .. so we pretty much have to argue everyday!! >< and when we argue.. i would talk back to her because i want to explain my points ...but since shes older..i'm wrong ( in our culture).
everything feels different today..
the way she talks, what she does.. i don't know.. everything that she does now.. i was kind of used to it..but now..its just way too much.. so tonight,,right now, the way i think of our relationships as being sisters are now changing ( it will probably change again, in the future..)..before i used to let things go very easily.. even now but with other things.. but at this point i just don't think that we are as close as how we used to be last year so i'm taking this pretty seriously...
shes taking care of me.. n shes working and paying for everything.. i'm just assuming that she's only doing this because shes my older sister .. and mum told her to take care of me.. i just feel like she wouldn't do this if it wasn't for mum and therefore doesn't really love me as much ><. i'm assuming this because she havn't given me a clear answer about why she's doing this for.!
Nearly everywhere that she goes now.. i cant go.
I talk nice to her, i love her because of the way she is.. and no matter wat she does.. i still don't hate her and i still feel like i love her.. but whenever we argue.. the way we talk to each other changes..so she would consider me as being rude.. okay i can understand where she is comin from.
She's always not happy with who i am..
because she's working and doesn't have time to look after me.. i feel like i'm taking care of myself now...
we don't really talk now..
it feels like .. this is her and this is me. .. i mean like it is as if we are really separated with everything even though we live together.. like if this is yours and this is mine type thing.. ><
since i think that i'm not making her happy.. she's starting to make me feel like if i have to be mean to her.. as if i have to say no to her when she wana borrow my stuff.. and make me not want to go shopping or any where with her... make me just wana care about myself and not her!.

i can't remember much.. but she told me that .. a few years ago.. whenever she wana borrow something of me.. i wouldn't lend it to her! Now, i'm older.. i know when i should say yes and when i should say no to these kinds of things..so normally i would lend her everything that she asks me for (now)..but for her..its like if she can't forget everything from the past.. its like if she wana take a revenge on me .. for the rest of her life or something.. because shes pretty harsh on me.. she would mostly say no to everything that i want or asks for..><
it makes me feel really sad.. because for me.. (she told me that i always want things to be my way) maybe because shes right.. m not sure.. but i would feel really touched.. happy and i would think that this is what you call 'love' and 'caring'. So if she says no.. its like if theres no love or caring from her for me..>< because it happens nearly every time ( like if theres never a yes)
i would like to think of everything as if its just wat most of the older sisters does...but i just can't..>i can't really talk to her about school, life, frens etc..
Its complicated..
so now.. i seriously just don't know how i'm gona handle everything or what i'm gona do nxt year.. if everything is still the same as now!!

xx

29th of 2010 November :)
The best day of the month! wohoo ^_^!!!!

~Last day of NCEA level 1 assessments !!
~No more blue uniforms (junior )
~ don't think i did very well with my drama exam this morning ><
~i'm going to miss most of the people from each and everyone of my classes >< =="
~ josh :L kaneesha :(
~ me and nicole was last to finish the exam ^_^
~ gona miss my teachers so much and skwl :( :(
~ Kaneeshas house :) ( one of my besti <3)
~ had lunch at her place
~saw the 'last song' for the first time :). kaneeshas third timez!! lolz
~ Last song - sad ==" cried a little bit ( dad and daughter, son T.T)
~ had to try and not talk while watching the movie ><
~ red creme magz :) latest one ><
~ not as crazy about the creme magz like how i used to b :)
~ we listened to Taylor swifts songs :) <3
Her album 'speak now' is AMAZING ! we both totally adore it :P
~ i applied makeup onto kaneeshas eyes :) her and her mum liked it ^^ yay !! :D
~ we took photos .. just in case i don't come bak to nz again >< and just for us to keep
~ walked to bus stop with hun!
~ busing bak to town at 4. 20 ish!
~ SHOWER! ^^ cold one !! damn hot today :) but i actually like it :)
~ went to eat at a thai resturant called < Red Elephant > :D
~ aunty < gu chuns family >, brothers, sis in law, ah gu and ah jae and ricky :), bros boss ^_^ came!!! :)
~ Delicious food
~ everyone kept on laughin ! we were all so happy and having fun because everyone kept on making jokes up :) xD
~ m totally grateful

sis leng and bro cheang didn't come. cox exams. ><

its 10.44pm !! bye :D !
xoxo

hello ;)
3~01 --> sWimming at west wave pool with sk n leng jie ;)
9~01 --> went with kaneesha 2 c ;] .. had to get out from the garage cox my bro took my key =="
~ first time to talk with my nxt door neighbour on the right side lol ><><>
then i got picked up for movenpak ice cream at mission bay with ben-nat-jae mey's relatives-sis in law- sis n meh la XP
10-01 --> town with bro .. n ko chun??... bro jack gave me $100 la...cox i juz asked lol .. ty anyways ;) <3
14-01--> shoppin with sis la :) first time gettin a napoleon perdis cosmetic!! first time gettin elizabeth arden cos for myself ^ ^ i used the $100 on them i think haha XD
21-01--> eat at thai peninsula with ko phats fam.. with me n first bro ! .. picked up my math cd frm mrs Pual house.. n also went to talk with kathryn's husband about subject option decisions... (drama or science ) i chose science ;)
~ ben's on vacation ^ ^ --> he forgot to take my ipod to fix >"<
22- got my psp frm brother jack <> ... v went tew manukau westfield tew get it ;)
bro jeff dropped sis off at sis in laws place ><
.. alisa n s came to our place ... stay the night...
23- went to josh's cafe shop in northshore.. . . . s jie cooked... i decided to help haha .. n now typing this..
><
...


x_X mUAH... ^ ^ byebye
p.s omg! onli one week n half till school start!!!! wahh.. so fast ...

laST day of 2009 ;]

my family n i went to jae Chiosee's house todae ^ ^ becox they had a party for New Yerr la ;P
went thea...i helped out jae Chiosee with frying the Chicken!! lol <> !! ;) n i ate so much! actually i ate so much eversince peeps started to invite us lately to go to their parties! >< well it's alryt ..i'll get activated hopefully in 2010 XD
Angela, jae leng's family n my family <> t_t went tah Sky Tower at night juz bout 40mins before they start da countdown burr v had to try n find a car park t__t it was damn lyk.. full..so v juz got to tha sky towa wen the fireworks nearly begin!!! it wasn't daht amazin :/ ..n no one did dah countdown! except for lyk 2 groups or mayb others but i didn't hea it so nvm... i was in jae leng's car --> sitting nxt tah angela <3 hehe ^^ . i've found out in dah car n Mangie's voice is so nIce ;) seriously!!!! gees hahah V_v .. n i also found out bout her relationship haha while v were walkin to go bak to the car park!!

all n all..it was nice seeing everyone!!! but the COUNT DOWN was not daht great at all...:L
but it's alryt!!!

xoxox muah

30th ~12~09

went tah piano ^ ^ n gave Kathryn my late xmas card to her cox last time i forgot to give it to her ==" >"<

DiD miI nails >"<
4 NY !! ;]
first painted my nails all red!
but then decided to add random colors as a top coat
n added glitters n decorate it
it turned out tah b alryt haha ;)
well at least it was fun ~~ i did it in the late evenin ;]
XD

29th~~~
I CN'T REALLI memba wat i did but i didn't sleep!!!
><

28th / 12

stayed home >"< :] exercised at McLeod's Park haha..juz for fun lol---then went swimmin :) :) i was tha onli one at the park at first..n also in the swimmin pool but it was for the whole time thou :D i wanted to stay longer at the park ^^ but a stranger came to the direction of wea i was at! so i juz walked to a different direction but THEN 2 peeps came?? !!!! WITH 2 dogs!!! erghhhhh :<:<

i ofcourse ran away ahaha :P cox m not that great with dogs!
or other types of animals lol
but i didn't felt sad or anything cox after excersising i kinda felt FRESH or somethin cox ov the wind! and tha AIR is so refreshing :) n i also havn't done any running in awhile since my holidae started :)

so it was a fine DAY :) :) HEHEHE :P
but i also got burnt! so fast thou..cox i onli was at the park for lyk an hour !!:/ ii used to think tat i don't get burnt that easily but maybe now I DO :L
oh well

more pics ov meh again on that day :) :P :P



these are all after running n ready for swimming :P
luv these pixs hehe :) with ma sunburnt face lol:D lmao

xoxo mwah gtg now

26/12!!! ><

YAY!!!!BEACH DAY :)!!!!
I'VE BEEN WAITING LOL :D

it didn't turn out to be as i've expected it to b!
i got burnt!!!!!!! cox was lookin after the kids "muoy leng n ricky" ! on the sand!
they arh damn cute! but muoy leng is juz so so so sooooo kawaii :P
oh n the beach was tha wan at TAt peninsula! so it was NOT THAT GREAT at all!
:(:(
well.. dn't really haf much to say ...becox of that.. i was kinda sad haha..cox it wasn't a really great day :/

pic of my arms .. the nxt day!
=(:*(

BUBIEE :) hehe >>.<<

25/12 ~~ hey
today v went to jae chiosee's house then v went to her mum's frens or relatives house:/ (Amanda's house)lol i'm not too sure :) :) but Amanda n her family are all really nice!! ^ ^
then v ate over thea :) bbq??...:P then v sat in their livin room! it was so hot..
so a few of us including me, jae leng, jae Chiosee, Gu Chheang n Jae Aeng went to this fresh strawberry ice cream shop but it wasn't open since it was xmas dae!! i think it was ryt nxt to the place wea u can pick strawberry n that cost cheaper then if yew were to go n get them in the stores :) so i realli wanted to go in there!!! but it was also CLOSEd :( :(
well.. v had to go bak to Amanda's house! cox...
n then v went to tha petrol station!! to get us ICE cream!! n gu chheang paid!! he didn't need to..but he just said that it's our xmas presents lol...haha :P
but yeah..
v went bak to amanda's house once again..
v stayed thea until late at around 8pm??? ..n v picked some of their small grapes to eat! thea really small n lime green!!!
quite sour n really nICE^ ^ i got addicted to it on that day haha :) :P :D
n so did my brothers n others lol!!!
v went to jae aeng's house ...n meh n jae chiosee picked ORANGEs at their house also hahahahhahhaha :)
thou i didn't eat it lol..cox i didn't want to get my hand sticky! cox it's reaall juicy lol O.O
but jae chiosee did!
BTW SHE IS REALLY NICE!
nxt time i need to take a pic with hur haha :D
then jae aeng n her husband came into our car cox there weren't enough rooms in tthe others cars as well :/
so four peeps sat in the the middle section! i was kinda squashed but it wasn't that bad!
i kinda pretended to sleep in the car n fell asleep for a lil bit lol :D
n i made evryone laughed cox i pretended to laugh out loud while sleeping so everyone would think that i'm dreaming :Dhehe sorry everyone !
and thx you for lettin meh sleeping on your shoulder for the whole time on our way to take jae Aeng's to the air port! ^^
my bro (jeff) shout us out with Mc Donalds lol:D :D cox he won wen he was playin cards for fun with my cousins!
oh n v met p fluke n josh over thea cox they came to see my brothers n the rest of us ~~
so v ate that n then hugged n said bye to jae aeng n her cousin! n said merry xmas n HAPPY newyear again lol :D
n i was TIRED! but v went to gu phat's (SKy's] house!
n everyone decided to DRINk! but all the girls stayed in the Karaoke room once again!
n meh, my sis inlaw and sis slept at their house!! :)
me, jae leng n tina were all watchin horror movie for a lil while then v fell asleep!!!! :/ sad cox i wanted to finish it!


A VERY WEIRED DAY I GUESS??..COX V WENT TO SO MANY houses! ^ ^

byebye :) ~~ peace xoxo

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